Not happy eating

There has been no happy eating or cooking for that matter for me lately.  A lot of sad and bad things have happened.  Someone close died and my best friend has cancer raging inside her.  My boyfriend lost his sweet sister and no one saw it coming.  I still don't think we know the cause.  And my BFF who was diagnosed on 9/11 over a year ago is in so much pain, and finally the doctors agree she is in pain because they can finally see on scans what is happening in her body.  Just listen to her!  Geez, she is more of a healer than so many doctors.  Had her health been as it should she would be a doctor of Chinese Medicine and Acupuncture by now and she would still be living downstairs from me and we would still be having spontaneous cook offs or taste this, I made it!

I have spent the last three weeks helping his family cope and there really is nothing you can do to take any of that pain away.  You can make sure someone has water, and a tissue near by and try to catch them when they collapse.  I have learned you certainly cannot get them to eat unless they want to, even with chocolate cake and near perfect homemade chile verde.  I even put in extra love, it is my secret ingredient.  Haven't you seen Como Agua Para Chocolate (or something like that), Like Water for Chocolate?  Now that I write that, I can't remember how the title fits in with the movie.   

I did learn that I can function on very little sleep and food if I need to.  The first week, less than 4 hours of sleep a night and less than a meal a day.  And for me, that is crazy talk.  I am a 3+ meal a day and 8 hours of sleep a night or I am cranky kinda girl.  The operative word in that first sentence is need to.  My heart brain and body were working hard to help those in so much pain.  And I think I learned that too many tears can bring a migraine or something like it.  The worst headaches I have ever felt.   

I did bake two chocolate cakes which came out pretty darn good for someone who has only baked a cake one time before.  I kinda wish we had saved a slice in the freezer to taste in happier times.  You know they would taste so much better when your heart is not broken.

Sad things make me want to change my life, live it how it should be lived, spend time with the right people.  But I am struggling to make that possible.  I feel torn in so many ways.  A large part of me wants to put the job on hold and just be with my friend and my boyfriend.  But with the economy in the shitter and a family business it is a tough call.  Plus if we to go to her, then I am leaving my family.  I have a wonderful and understanding family that would want me to do what is best for me, but I also want to do right for them too. 

I have wished so many times she had adult diabetes (bad unhealthy eaters diabetes), I could fix that!  I could cure her, if only that the case.  No meds needed, just exercise and a raw vegan diet for a while and then heathly whole food cooking and eating lessons.  America wake up, get off the enriched white floor corn syrup and fake sugar and fake shit.  We could save the planet and our health by making those toxic foods illegal. 

I am sad and rambling.  And need some good news.  I had some a few days ago, but I need more, I need a lot more good.